How to Be…Doggy Style-Day 5

by Lindsay Timmington

A little background, HERE.

MOM AND DAD.

IT’S YOUR DOG. POE.

TODAY I LEARNED A NEW THING AND IT IS CALLED “DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER” AND DID YOU EVEN KNOW THAT THAT IS HAPPENING HERE? BECAUSE ACTUALLY I HAVE BEEN REALLY GOOD AT AUNTY LADY’S HOUSE AND DID YOU EVEN KNOW THAT JUST BECAUSE I AM A BIG BOY THAT I AM STILL A BABY AND WHO TALKS ABOUT BABIES LIKE THAT.

HERE ARE ALL THE THINGS I AM SO GOOD AT.

4. WAITING FOR MY FOOD. I DON’T EVEN THINK YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW HARD THIS THING OF WAITING IS.

poe looks outside

1.GROOMING SISTER WIFE.  SHE IS ACTUALLY REALLY KIND OF MESSY AND SO DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT AFTER SHE EATS I LICK HER MOUTH TO CLEAN HER UP GOOD. THAT IS SO NICE.

6. NOT BARKING. ON THE DAY THAT IS NOT TODAY SISTER WIFE BARKED 6,921 TIMES AND I DIDN’T EVEN BARK ONCE. DO YOU KNOW THAT IS A THING CALLED SELF CONTROL AND SOME DOGS NEED TO GET SOME.

2. WEIGHT LOSS. AUNTY LADY LEAVES EVERY DAY AND COMES BACK ALL WET AND THIS IS THE THING CALLED EXERCISE AND SO WHEN SHE SITS AND WORKS AT HER DESK  I NIP AT HER LITTLE FAT PLACES  SO SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO LEAVE TO DO THIS SWEATY THING.

5. DATING. WHEN I TAKE AUNTY LADY AND SISTER WIFE ON THEIR WALKS I SAY HELLO TO ALL THE MEN. SISTER WIFE JUST BARKS AT THEM AND THAT IS OKAY BECAUSE THAT THAT IS THE THING OF PROTECTION BUT ACTUALLY AUNTY LADY DOESN’T REALLY NEED IT BECAUSE SHE’S NOT ACTUALLY VERY GOOD AT TALKING.

3. SLEEPING BY MYSELF. THIS IS ACTUALLY THE THING CALLED BULLMITTENS BECAUSE SISTER WIFE AND AUNTY LADY SLEEP TOGETHER AND THAT IS CALLED LEAVING PEOPLE OUT.

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5. RINGING THE BELLS. SISTER WIFE TEACHED ME TO DO THE THING OF RINGING BELLS SO I CAN DO MY BUSINESS. I AM EVEN SO GOOD AT DOING MY BUSINESS OUTSIDE AND NOT MAKING PUDDLES IN THE HOUSE AND HOLDING IN EVERYTHING EXCEPT TOOTS BECAUSE ACTUALLY IT’S NOT HEALTHY TO HOLD THOSE GUYS IN.

ALSO. TODAY WAS THE DAY CALLED HOW MANY DOGS CAN YOU FIT IN THE BATHROOM AND THAT ANSWER IS TWO BUT ONLY IF AUNTY LADY IS DOING HER BUSINESS OR GROOMING HERSELF IN THE WATER PLACE AND DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT SHE’S NOT GOOD AT A THING CALLED NABIGATING SMALL SPACES AND THAT IS TOO BAD BECAUSE THAT IS A SKILL SET THAT IS IMPORTANT IN NYC.

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ROBIN LOVES BATMAN.

E.A.

POE

poe and b

 

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